Few thoughts are as daunting to parents as the prevalence of pornography and predators in the lives of our children. While we’d like to think porn only lives in hard-to-reach corners of the internet, the reality is it’s only a few clicks away.
According to Defend Young Minds, the average age of first porn exposure is nine years old.
Early exposure to pornography—especially today’s violent, degrading porn—can lead to major problems later in life, including increased risk of addiction, sexual abuse, mental health issues and unhealthy views of sexual intimacy.
Preparing for the “porn talk” is not for the faint of heart, but it is a crucial discussion for parents who want to keep their kids safe in the online world. We can help our kids by using gated streaming sources when possible, avoiding device-use in private, installing filters as safety nets, and having open, honest conversations. Here are some tips for having the (sometimes awkward, always important) “porn talk” with your kids.
Don’t ignore the conversation. If you don’t talk to your kids about porn, they will seek answers from unreliable sources—the internet, friends at school, etc. Kids are hungry for information and it only takes a few clicks to end up at hard-corn porn sites. It’s nearly impossible to protect them from exposure to porn, but you can guide their information-gathering and help them make smart decisions.
Read Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids by Kristen A. Jenson. This is an amazing resource for starting the conversation. It is a comfortable, read-aloud story about a mom and dad who teach their child what pornography is, why it’s dangerous and how to reject it. This book is easy to understand and helps children porn-proof their brains. (There’s a junior version, too!)
Remove shame. It’s critical for our kids to know that when they come across porn, it is not necessarily their fault. Help them understand why. Explain that the porn industry has one main goal—to make money. To reach this goal, companies target kids. Talk about how addictive and dangerous it can be for their developing minds.
Have a plan for when they do see porn. Let them know it’s likely they will stumble across porn at some point. Advertisements, video games and click bait can all lead young eyes to adult websites. Help your kids know what to look out for when scrolling, and set up strong internet filters (i.e. Cleanbrowsing DNS, Open DNS, Gryphon or Circle). Having rules and boundaries around device use can also lead to healthy habits. We recommend keeping phones and tablets out of bedrooms at night. Isolation breeds unhealthy screen use. Good Picture Bad Pictures provides additional resources and strategies to help young people navigate what they’re seeing on the internet.
Make it an ongoing conversation. Be an open book. Make sure your kids know you’re a safe place to go for information and that you want to know what’s going on in their lives. Give them options like writing you notes or having regular check-ins. Ask about their experiences and remind them to come to you first.
For more information, please check out our free Parent’s Guide to Modern Pornography. We know this is a difficult subject matter, but if we don’t guide our children, make no mistake, the internet will.
You’ve got this, parents. (And we’ve got your back.)
